You have probably heard about BDSM or watched it in porn films such as the popular Fifty Shades of Grey. The four letters of BDSM are a blend of sex phrases; bondage/discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism/masochism. BDSM encompasses a consensual relationship in which the dominant partner takes charge. They restrain their partners, and they derive intense pleasure from the punishment they deliver. Acts of BDSM might include slave play, punishment, rope play, and more. BDSM dating can be nerve-racking for beginners. Here is a look at dating tips and important things to know about BDSM dating.
Trust Is a Must
BDSM always involves losing power for the submitting party in the relationship. Anytime one plays the submission role to someone in a BDSM scene, they should ensure that they trust them. One should be sure that they won't hurt then and will not take advantage of them. Trusting your BDSM partner might take time and energy, but it will make the sex a lot more passionate. When engaging in BDSM dating with someone that is not well acquitted to it or isn't your partner, its recommendable to first spend time getting to know them to establish a sense of trust. The key thing is being safe.
At starting to engage in a BDSM relationship, it's important to start small and work your way into it. Without experience, it's not clear what you like and what you don't like. One may even end up discovering that they don't like some things. Also, you don't want to push your partner past their comfort zone. Baby steps will be the best way to begin. Always remember that communication is the key to having a great BDSM relationship. It is important to know what partners like, what they don't like, and their limits.
Negotiation and BDSM Contracts
The element of consent is one that might not be apparent to the casual observer. However, sane, safe, and consensual BDSM practitioners agree to limits of what they are and aren't willing to do before the scene. Discussing with your partner what to expect beforehand is an essential element to a successful BDSM relationship. Negotiating what to expect in BDSM action does not have to be super formal. It can be as simple as saying that one is not a fan of ball gags. In a BDSM scene, things one never wants to try are referred to as hard limits, while things one may want to try cautiously are known as soft limits.
For particular people, BDSM negotiation involves signing a contract. Depending on your contract, you will checklist the things you are willing to allow your partner to do or not to do during a scene, safe word, and pertinent health information, and for a while. Various individuals sign the contracts for years, while others use temporary contracts for a single play session. Of course, one does not require a contract to state these limits, particularly for more casual or simple scenes. But checklists and contracts are tools in having a more firm protocol and in-depth planning before your scenes.
One of the aspects of safety and communication in BDSM dating is a safe word. This involves an axiom or word that a submission partner will use if the moment becomes too extreme. One might say that a bottom has the power for their ability to call the shot and halt play. However, effective communication is essential to ensure both parties enjoy the most out of BDSM. Great communication is great for other things, too, like finding out the kind of dirty talk one enjoys or when one wants the man to keep off their head during a blow job. Setting up a safe word is also beneficial if you are the dominant partner. You can relax, being aware that if anything isn't going well for your bottom partner, they will give you a signal. Therefore, the dominant can fear less about potentially hurting them or doing something wrong.
A safeword should be short for one to remember and say during an intense scene. However, it should not be 'No' or 'Stop' as these words may be used when one is playing a role in a scene, and they don't want the partner to stop. Partners can consider using the traffic light system where green means go ahead, yellow means pause or slow down, and red means stop.
As a submissive, one can sometimes get high by being the bottom in a scene. This is referred to as subspace, and they might lose the ability to talk if they are not into it. Besides enjoying the BDSM session with a top you trust, you may consider a safe action such as dropping the ball instead of a safe word. This can also be helpful if one can't talk because you're gagged.
Aftercare is another element of safety in BDSM. Aftercare is any activity that helps to reconnect after the BDSM session and safely ease back into the normal world. Aftercare will also help to make sub drops feel less powerful. One of the common forms of aftercare is cuddling. One can consider providing sports drinks for their partner to help replenish their electrolytes. Also, your favorite movie or a warm blanket maybe your ideal type of aftercare. It is important to focus on things that help to soothe your mind and body after the scene. While most individuals focus the aftercare to the bottom partner, aftercare is also helpful to the top. So, don't forget yourself as the dominant.
Finally, it's important to check in with your partner several days after the scene. BDSM can go well but still activate intense feelings, and these feelings might not always appear immediately. Taking your play partner out for coffee or ice cream several days after an intense moment maybe a cherished form of aftercare.
If you like the idea of BDSM, go on and try it. Using these tips will ensure that one has a fun and safe foray into the world of bondage, domination, submission, and other kinky elements of BDSM dating. To have fun experience pleasure, it is best always to be relaxed and respectful to your partner. Remember always to be safe.